A Really Truely Unique Short Harry Potter Fanfic
by murphcas
Summary: Harry and Ron are walking towards Hagrids hut....or are they? dun dun dun! Now Ron, Dumbledore and Hermione have something to tell Harry...and whats with Snape? NOTE: this story is really really weird so read at your own risk....


Disclaimer: Alrighty...none of these characters are mine....no matter how much I wish they were...they aren't....their the very respected J.K Rowling's characters.  
  
A/N: This story is really really weird....I made it up one day after reading this one fanfiction (I forget where it was from) I was just like 'wow...that would be weird' and so I wrote this. So yeah...I'm just for warning you that this story is really weird and kinda messed up....and if your brave enough to go on...I hope you enjoy!  
  
Harry and Ron were walking out on the Hogwarts school grounds to get to Hagrids hut. Hermione was sick in the Hospital Wing with a very rare flu that would take a few days after she took the potion to heal. As they we're walking Harry relized that they weren't walking towards Hagrids hut....they were walking towards the Forbidden Forest and that Ron was practically dragging him. When they got about half way through the forest Harry stopped Ron and asked "Ron where the bloody hell are we going? I thought we were going to Hagrids! And I know for a fact that Hagrid does NOT live in the middle of the Forbidden Forest!" Ron turned to look at Harry then smiled.  
  
"Oh my god Potter. You are so stupid."  
  
Potter? Ron never called Harry, "Potter". The only person who did was-  
  
"Malfoy?"  
  
"Oh my- it's Ron you doofus! Do I look like Malfoy to you? Uh-NO!"  
  
"Your not Ron! Ron would never call me Potter! I know! You're a stalker in disguise! That's who you are! What do you want with me STALKER!"  
  
But "Ron" just smiled again. Then he lifted up his sleeve and there on his arm was the Dark Mark.  
  
"Oh so now I know the stalker is a DeathEater.....Now who could you be? hmmmmm...."  
  
"You ARE stupid aren't you!?" Ron said angry at Harry's stupidity in this fanfic.  
  
"Hey! I am not stupid! I know my best friend and he is not a DeathEater! Oh I know! Your a DeathEater whose stalking me and whose used the PolyJuice Potion to disguise yourself as Ron!"  
  
But Ron just shook his head in disgust and pressed the Dark Mark on his arm. Then a seris of popping noise broke out and loads of Death Eaters, including Voldemort, came into the clearing. Harry reached for his wand but then relised that it wasn't there and that he left it in the dorm even though he never does, but he just did on this particular day for some strange reason.  
  
"Hello Harry Potter. We meet again." Voldemort said in a menacing sort of voice.  
  
"Hello Tom!" Harry said in a very cheery voice and a wide smile as if he were happy to see him. "How many times have we met so far.....four? Unless of course you don't count the second year cause that was just your memory...then....three! Three times we've met at Hogwarts and three times you have failed to kill me! And now you told one of your DeathEaters to pose as Ron to get me here so you could try to kill me again but alas you will fail to kill me....... again."  
  
"And how do you know that?"  
  
"Well my dear Tommy-boy it's quite obvious. You think your just so evil that your thoughts are blocking any vain attempts of murdering me."  
  
"*SHOOSH!* Don't tell me that! And don't call me Tom or Tommy-boy! Call me Voldemort! CRUCIO!"  
  
But Harry's reflexes were too quick for him and he dodged the curse.  
  
"Oh I'm so scared!" And he kept dodging all of his Crucio curses until they hit enough DeathEaters so he could run past them and up towards the castle. He first went to Dumbledore's office and when he finally got there Dumbledore opened the door before Harry could even knock and asked Harry to come in and sit down and tell him what his 15 year old boy-hood troubles were this time in quite a cheery voice. So Harry told him and at the very end of the story Dumbledore just smiled widely, threw his head back and laughed a long 5 whole minute laugh.  
  
"What's so funny about my whole 15 year old boy-hood troubles that makes you laugh like so?" and Harry imitated his laugh.  
  
"Well...let me tell you a little story Harry. Once upon a time there was a dog named Ben...but what really sucked was that he only had 2 legs...so all he could do was lie in the same spot day after day then eventually he died from the chicken pox...so yeah....you could say his life sucked and that it was full of misery and woe.  
  
THE END"  
  
"And what does that meaningless story have to do with my 15 year old boy-hood troubles?" Harry asked curiously.  
  
"Nothing......I was just stalling from telling you the truth that's all." Harry looked curiously at Dumbledore."Goodness Harry! I would've thought you'd of figured it out by now! I, Professor Albus Dumbledore, am in cahoots with Voldemort!"  
  
"No your not." Harry said to him in a cheery disbelief voice.  
  
"Oh yes I am Harry! And also, if you didn't know, I don't live in this school! I live in the giant bucket right next door!"  
  
"I've always wondered who lived there." Harry said to himself thoughtfully.  
  
"And now Harry Potter I, Professor Albus Dumbledore, will kill you!" Then he pointed at Harry and just stood there like he was frozen with his finger out at Harry and his eyes closed. Harry just stared unbelievably at Dumbledore for a couple seconds, then stood up slowly and walked slowly out the door. Once out he slowly walked to his dorm and slowly got his wand. Then he slowly made his way to the hospital wing slowly digesting this information so that he got it all and that he'd be ready to tell it to Hermione, slowly.  
  
When he finally reached the Hospital wing and opened the door and went in and sat down across from Hermione and told her the whole story about Ron, Dumbledore, Dumbledore's meaningless story and Dumbledore's real home Hermione just stared at him with a grin slowly spreading across her face. Then she let out a howl of laughter. Harry looked curiously at her and when she recovered she said "Oh Harry I already know all this for I, Hermione Granger, smartest student in this whole bloody school, am in cahoots with Voldemort along with Ron and Dumbledore!" Harry was about to comment on this when Snape burst into the Hospital wing doing the robot and shuffeling his feet at the same time while singing "Can't touch this...do do do do do do do do! Can't touch this... do do do do do do do do! Can't touch this...." and he did this around the whole Hospital wing and finally shuffleing his way back out. Harry just stared at the door, then looked at Hermione who had her mouth wide open in shock at Snape's strange behavior, to looking back at the door which Snape left through, to straight in front of him. Then he slowly shook his head, stood up slowly, walked slowly out of the Hospital wing while slowly thinking 'Whose writing this?'  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: I hope you enjoyed that....I just wanted to say a few things about this story. A) In the beginning , you know that whole stalker line, I usually say that to my friends when they get a new s/n or something that I don't know about and they IM me. I go like "Who is this? Is this a stalker? What do you want stalker!?" 2) Dumbledore's short story I made up when my friend and I were just telling each other little short three sentence stories. Q) The whole Dumbledore living in the giant bucket I got from my other friend. She saw this thing about why they wouldn't show this cause it's uneducational and one of them went "I live in a giant bucket!" So yeah...thats where I got that..... B) The slowly part....I wanted to see how many times I could say slowly in three sentences....I like doing that 10) Snape's dance thing....yeah...I just thought that would be really weird if he did that. Z) And last but certainly not least is the OTHER slowly part. Yet again I wanted to see how many times I could say slowly but only in one sentence. 


End file.
